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Jasmine Duckworth shares her struggle with feeling like she has to constantly accomplish tasks to be worthy. She explores the tension between doing and simply being, especially when living with a disability. The post highlights the importance of self-acceptance and finding value beyond productivity.
This photo captures a moment of loving and love between my daughter and I.
This post was originally published on The Banner as part of the In My Shoes column. –Reprinted by permission of The Banner. Jasmine Duckworth, “Doing vs. Being,” © The Banner, June 2023 (158/6), p. 45. thebanner.org/columns/2023/05/doing-vs-being. All rights reserved worldwide.
Last night I did what I do every night as the day winds down, I mentally went through my day and noted all the things I didn’t get done. The list was long. The tasks should have been easy. I felt like I had failed at life, and this was a familiar feeling because this is a familiar routine. Chronic pain, disability-related muscle fatigue, work, family life, and an ongoing worldwide pandemic make it difficult to get things done.
Struggling with daily tasks
Then I started thinking about neuroplasticity; the idea that our thoughts shape our brain. I know that choosing different thought patterns can reshape my brain so I made the mental switch that I often do, and started listing the tasks I did accomplish.
It felt better but wasn’t enough. Either way I’m equating tasks done with success, which isn’t actually changing the pattern.
Realising the problem with productivism
I remembered listening to Chantal Huinink speaking at a conference years ago and one of her points has always stuck with me: Just like we can be prone to perfectionism, we can also be hung up on productivism.
That was an “aha” moment for me. Whenever perfectionism has come up as a topic in sermons or seminars I have always felt a bit smug because that’s not a struggle for me. I’m comfortable with things being a bit rough around the edges. I’m okay with things being a tad raw.
But this concept of productivism that Chantal spoke about hit me hard. I am absolutely a productivist. I love lists and crossing things off. I multitask always and my favourite pastime is knitting because it means even my leisure produces something.
This is what I need to rewire in my brain. Being productive is satisfying but is it where I want to derive my self worth? What is more important than productivity?
Shifting focus from doing to being
I remembered a line from one of the training courses at work: “We are human beings, not human doings.”
What does it mean to be a human being? How do I want to be?
I knew the answer immediately.
Love. To be is to love.
Reflecting on love in daily life
So I asked myself, was I loving today?
I mentally went over my interactions with people over the course of the day. Was I loving with my family? My coworkers (through email and video chat)? My friends I saw when we picked up our children from school?
What a difference it made in my mental state as I closed out my day. Rather than feel like a failure, I felt like I had succeeded – and succeeded in a more meaningful way than if I had done the dishes (nope) or folded the laundry (partially).
Choosing love over productivity
So this will be my new routine. I will focus on being loving, rather than falling into the trap of productivism, and I will reshape my brain until, hopefully, my very being is oriented toward Love.
“…if I have a faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:2
About the Author:
Jasmine Duckworth:
Jasmine has been working with Karis Disability Services since 2004, and has been disabled herself since 2015. When not working as a Community Development Manager she is a mom, wife, and obsessive knitter. She can be reached at jduckworth@karis.org.
Recent Posts:
Jasmine Duckworth shares her struggle with feeling like she has to constantly accomplish tasks to be worthy. She explores the tension between doing and simply being, especially when living with a disability. The post highlights the importance of self-acceptance and finding value beyond productivity.
This photo captures a moment of loving and love between my daughter and I.
This post was originally published on The Banner as part of the In My Shoes column. –Reprinted by permission of The Banner. Jasmine Duckworth, “Doing vs. Being,” © The Banner, June 2023 (158/6), p. 45. thebanner.org/columns/2023/05/doing-vs-being. All rights reserved worldwide.
Last night I did what I do every night as the day winds down, I mentally went through my day and noted all the things I didn’t get done. The list was long. The tasks should have been easy. I felt like I had failed at life, and this was a familiar feeling because this is a familiar routine. Chronic pain, disability-related muscle fatigue, work, family life, and an ongoing worldwide pandemic make it difficult to get things done.
Struggling with daily tasks
Then I started thinking about neuroplasticity; the idea that our thoughts shape our brain. I know that choosing different thought patterns can reshape my brain so I made the mental switch that I often do, and started listing the tasks I did accomplish.
It felt better but wasn’t enough. Either way I’m equating tasks done with success, which isn’t actually changing the pattern.
Realising the problem with productivism
I remembered listening to Chantal Huinink speaking at a conference years ago and one of her points has always stuck with me: Just like we can be prone to perfectionism, we can also be hung up on productivism.
That was an “aha” moment for me. Whenever perfectionism has come up as a topic in sermons or seminars I have always felt a bit smug because that’s not a struggle for me. I’m comfortable with things being a bit rough around the edges. I’m okay with things being a tad raw.
But this concept of productivism that Chantal spoke about hit me hard. I am absolutely a productivist. I love lists and crossing things off. I multitask always and my favourite pastime is knitting because it means even my leisure produces something.
This is what I need to rewire in my brain. Being productive is satisfying but is it where I want to derive my self worth? What is more important than productivity?
Shifting focus from doing to being
I remembered a line from one of the training courses at work: “We are human beings, not human doings.”
What does it mean to be a human being? How do I want to be?
I knew the answer immediately.
Love. To be is to love.
Reflecting on love in daily life
So I asked myself, was I loving today?
I mentally went over my interactions with people over the course of the day. Was I loving with my family? My coworkers (through email and video chat)? My friends I saw when we picked up our children from school?
What a difference it made in my mental state as I closed out my day. Rather than feel like a failure, I felt like I had succeeded – and succeeded in a more meaningful way than if I had done the dishes (nope) or folded the laundry (partially).
Choosing love over productivity
So this will be my new routine. I will focus on being loving, rather than falling into the trap of productivism, and I will reshape my brain until, hopefully, my very being is oriented toward Love.
“…if I have a faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:2