Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor. (1 Peter 2:17)

A long time ago, a good friend told me that the church is called to be a family. As children adopted by God, we are now brothers and sisters. When two children who are not biologically related have been adopted into the same family, they become siblings who do life together and with their parents. But sometimes I think our culture makes it difficult to be the family we all—especially people with disabilities—need.

I am a 43-year-old woman with Cerebral Palsy who lives in Toronto. Ever since I can remember, I had been taught that I would one day be living independently in my own apartment. I moved away from home into my first apartment at a young age because my mother was sick with cancer.

I have been living in my current apartment for fourteen years. Even though I am grateful for my freedom and independence, my family doesn’t live close by. I am thankful that I can video call them whenever I want and visit them occasionally, but I know they won’t be around or able to help me with my personal care forever. At the same time, I don’t imagine that I will get married. I don’t feel called to.

I know I am not alone. People with disabilities get married at lower rates than the general population. According to a study by the Maryland Population Research Center, the first-marriage rate for people with disabilities is 24.4 per 1000, compared to 48.9 per 1000 for the general population.

With such statistics, it’s important to define our family, relationships, and purpose outside of a traditional romantic relationship and children. Jesus had some surprising things to say to those who remain single by choice or circumstance.

Like other issues, Jesus redefined the family in radical ways. Once, he was talking to the Pharisees about divorce and the law of Moses. When his disciples heard his standards for marriage, they suggested it might be better not to get married. The way he responded probably wasn’t what they expected to hear.

Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only to those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others — and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it” (Matthew 19:11–12 NIV). In the time of Jesus, this would have been shocking, especially for women. Women had no agency or security of their own, so they had to depend on their fathers, husbands, or sons. But Jesus never suggested that people live a life of loneliness or isolation. The earliest church met together often in the temple and in homes and had everything in common (Acts 2:42–47). Taking care of widows and orphans (in other words, those without families) was a high priority for them.

Some things have changed two thousand years later. Many people work during the day and may only be able to get together for a few hours in the evening (which might not work for everyone, people with or without disabilities alike, who get tired easily). In a world with social services, it would be easy for one to just want to leave it to social service agencies to help people with disabilities. But the truth is there are fewer services for adults with disabilities than kids with disabilities, and even less for adults with physical disabilities than other types of disabilities, such as cognitive and intellectual.

Like in Jesus’ day, the family unit is dominant in society and this has crept into the church. Many people sit with their family in church services, and many churches run programs for couples and their kids.

Loneliness is more than just an icky feeling that causes sadness. It is an epidemic! According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 4 older people experience social isolation and between 5 and 15 percent of adolescents experience loneliness. Research shows that loneliness has a serious impact on physical and mental health, quality of life, and longevity that is comparable to other health risk factors like smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.

I have been to many churches and some have been more community-oriented than others. For five years, I went to a church that met in a movie theatre in a mall, and many of us would go to the food court for lunch after church. I was blessed to be a part of a large group of friends that included families, singles, and adults of all ages. It was a beautiful picture of what the church could and should be. I just started going to a small church that is very family-oriented.

I think this is a really great start, but it is not enough. It’s hard when there is not enough interaction with Christian brothers and sisters throughout the week. A phone call or going out for coffee with a couple of different people during the week would help, as would planning a bigger social event with a group of people every once in a while. If the church lived like this, no one would have to feel like they’re living the Christian life alone.